Being adaptive while making sambar...

I am visiting my friend in the country this week.  I brought my sister along because she is visiting me in London.  My small cooking escapade illustrates how I have tried to incorporate adaptiveness to the everyday mundane.  

I brought farm fresh vegetables that were beginning to languish in my fridge in London, for a potential cook-in here to our gorgeous Midlands get-away.  We ate out all day yesterday and it seemed fair we should eat in today.  But I did not want to burden our host, my best friend from my high school days.  Maybe this morning I could delight her with some South Indian fare.  So I spontaneously offered to cook. I chopped up capsicum, carrots and onions and peeled shallots.  I had to wait for tuvar daal and curry leaves which the girls were bringing in from the store.  I usually cook a big batch so my friend and her partner, a Yorkshire man who loves sambar, have enough leftover for a couple of additional meals.  Now, on her way to grandmother-hood, my friend is cooking and freezing for her pregnant offspring, a busy London based doctor who picks up the food on her trips for R and R at mummy’s. Maybe there would be enough leftover to freeze for the mum to be as well?! 

 

This time I had to vary the order in which I cooked the food. I chopped up cabbage for a nice side!  Since there was lots of it, I was a tad nervous about getting the proportion of seasoning spices right.  Cabbage not cooked properly can be rank! I seasoned it with mustard seeds, urad daal, green chillies, curry leaves, hing and salt.  The big batch got cooked no problem, as I had used just the right amount of water to cook the cabbage then raised the heat to ensure the water evaporated before I left it covered for some slow cooking.  I then sprinkled some dessicated coconut and left it covered till it was ready to be transferred to a serving dish, just before we sat down to eat.  I was thrilled that forces beyond my control had conjured up a perfect cabbage dish.  I never take for granted how, despite my imprecise approach to cooking, everything comes together for the perfect outcome.  Or maybe it’s my non critical acceptance that manifests as perfection?  In any event, the more I thrive in chaos and less I strive for perfection the more creative and daring I get to achieve surprisingly great outcomes.  I highly recommend getting out of the mind’s way! 

 

Then came the hard part, a big batch of sambar in the instant pot.   I usually cook the tuvar daal in the instant pot (IP)  and set it aside, before cooking the vegetables in the tamarind water, also in the instant pot.  This way, once the vegetables are done, the cooked daal goes in ready for the final mustard seasoning.  All achieved in IP, no fuss, no mess.  Today, I was under a time crunch.  So I went ahead with step 2 and sautéed the shallots, capsicum, onion and carrot chunks in a little oil before pouring in the tamarind water, adding sambar powder, curry leaves and salt into the IP.  I pressure cooked it with the 12 minute rice setting.  When the tuvar daal arrived I could not yet open IP, which had not released the pressure, so I took two cups of it in a vessel big enough to be placed in the spare pressure cooker.  I was adapting.  People were hungry from all the cooking smells.  This cooker, it seemed, could not deliver the cooked daal fast enough to be added into the tamarind water with vegetables.  I waited impatiently and when we opened the cooker - a disaster awaited.  I had predicted this outcome somewhat given the tuvar had not been given enough room to relax and expand, but had gone ahead and done it anyway!  Now I had to wear my adaptive hat because the tuvar daal, my key ingredient for my much awaited sambar, was half cooked and nowhere near ready to go into the tamarind water with cooked vegetables.  Some quick thinking was in order- especially given my hungry sister who had begun to nibble on salads (I perceived a form of psychological warfare here).  I was the hold up.  With some quick thinking, I poured the contents of the IP into a big steel vessel, transferred the half cooked daal into a larger vessel with more water, so it could breathe, and placed that in IP to pressure cook for 12 minutes.  Through all this, I could sense my impatience and that of the rest, mounting at this imperfection.  There was also a mess around me that I needed to clear quickly, especially given it was not my kitchen.  

But wait there was more messiness to come.  I decided to forebear through the chaos, maintaining focus and inner stillness, undeterred by the delay.  Of course the audience did go to great lengths to reassure me that they were in no rush to eat!  I forced open the IP with the daal, when it had completed the obligatory 12 minutes in the rice setting, by mercilessly venting it.  Thankfully, the daal was now perfectly cooked and just needed some mashing.  For the next move, I needed an abundance of confidence and nerves of steel.  I had to take the daal out of the IP, pour the vegetable and tamarind mixture back into the IP and mix in the daal since I needed the size of vessel as the IP steel pot.  All very clumsy, given the heat and sheer quantity.  I also had no idea whether the consistency would turn out right.  Alas, I kept the daal thick and in one bold move emptied all of it into the tamarind and vegetable liquid I had transferred to the IP  . I brought it to a boil in sauté mode and breathed a sigh of relief that years of experience had not let me down.  I prepared the seasoning on the stove with mustard seeds, red chillies, hing, methi seeds and curry leaves.  Lots of chopped coriander had gone into the boiling sambar already.  The final flourish with the seasoning gave me a sambar that ended up being exquisite.  Taste, flavour, consistency - everything! I lifted the steel pot out of the IP and poured half of its contents into a serving dish - another bold move where all of it could have missed the mark and poured over the counter.  It took confidence, an unshakeable belief that to surrender to the process with focus was all I needed to do - the rest would be taken care of by faith in my abilities, experience and a higher intelligence which took over when my mind got out of the way.  Lunch ended up being a success.  And it was all because I had focused on being adaptive throughout the process, and had deliberately not stressed over the outcome! 

 

Reflections on my 60th (2022)

 

On my birthday, I usually reflect on the year gone.  As you all know, on August 12, 2021, a day that I wish had never happened, I lost my beloved husband to Covid related complications.  That he was youthful and healthy would be an understatement.  He had just retired and had been raring to have a rollicking time in his retirement.  We never got in the way of each other’s professional lives so he did not influence whether or not I would continue to do the work I loved.  He had visited India to be with his aging mom through the pandemic, help her with essential repairs around the old ancestral house she lived in and to install a support system with household help, driver and so forth.  His plan after that was to return to Canada and then once the pandemic had passed, to catch up on his travels and to visit all his folks in three continents.  He was fully vaccinated and the breakthrough infection was completely unexpected. 

As my world collapsed, I stayed focused on managing the chaos that ensued, prioritizing what mattered most.  Uttara, my work at MCIS and our two mothers.  I moved to London and began working remote from here while managing the financial fallout from this catastrophic event.  I began working just a week after, to bring back a semblance of normalcy, doing things I was most familiar with and connecting with my friends and co-workers who deeply mourned my personal loss and created a circle of care around me.  You know who you are and I am so grateful to you.  

Our transitions through life are both voluntary and involuntary.  They all have beginnings, a chaotic mess in the middle and then renewal.  The process is not clear-cut or linear.  Some folks linger longer in the chaos, others in the beginning and yet others in the renewal.  And chaos can happen in the renewal phase to set off more new beginnings.  I wonder if subliminally I had wished for a cataclysmic change to rock my worldview and to force my growth.  If I had, all I can say to you all is be careful what you wish for! So my transition has been involuntary, well kinda!  I have always been about renewal.   For me this is about moving from an attitude of “me” to “we” to “be” pursuant to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid, going from bottom to top.   I am still human enough to be self centred.  However, through my work and in my personal life I have tried to embrace the “we” which is all about building relationships and doing my best to serve who I can.  The next level of this work is through finding a higher transformational purpose to live by and work towards.  For me “being”, is surrendering all sense of ego and doer-ship to go beyond the transactional to the transcendent.  I am amazed at the parallels between the trajectories in my personal and professional life.  The first decade of my career and that of MCIS’ growth was all about survival, the next decade about the success of our social enterprise model, ie making money while doing good, and this resulted in recognition and awards for me personally.  This third decade has been finding a higher transformational purpose for our work at MCIS by articulating our social purpose.  And life events have forced me to seek the same in my personal life. 

As I move through my life, my challenge will continue to be to stay vigilant, from sliding into narcissistic thoughts and victimhood, and keeping my mind and heart open to the opportunities even dire times bring.  I am now so aware that these life quakes visit all our lives at some point or other and it is better to use loss and death as source of meaning for life and living, as Viktor Frankl the holocaust survivor did, than to live in fear of the unknown.  So my transition has included acceptance, staying present and embracing uncertainty.  I take each day as it comes, fully open to all its possibilities and accepting of everything that it brings.  I wake up early, write and reflect, juice, cook, practice yoga, meditation, take a walk, have long and hard conversations and work at my job.  Pretty boring you might think.  Its actually quite invigorating when I am conscious of not leaning into the next moment or a future state for my happiness.   My purpose has never before been more aligned with that of MCIS’ own and for that I am extremely grateful.  Like me, MCIS is creating a new story of its renewal to share and launch soon.  I do hope you are all living your life’s purpose and your life quakes are gentle ones.   

 

Books that inspired the above:

Peak – How Great Companies Get their Mojo from Maslow – Chip Conley

Life is in the Transitions – Bruce Feiler

Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor E. Frankl

 

Rumi Diaries (Lessons from our dog) - 1

 Rumi Diaries

Lessons from our dog

Rumi loves his ball with single-minded focus, to the exclusion of all else.  He can even be distracted away from his treat with a ball.  That is a big deal in dog universe.  I enjoy our time together because there is a grand silence with no chatting back and forth.  Also, the rules we play by are very simple.  I throw the ball and he rushes to catch it mid air, always managing to do so.  Some of his catches are pretty impressive.  But he does it for no adulation, just for the joy of the catch.  Then having triumphed, he will refuse to let go of it unless I ignore him and act like I do not care if he has the ball or not.  Next, dropping the ball in front of me to grab my attention, he will give me a little head nod prompt to have me throw it again.  Mind you he will only let go of it when he knows I will not deny him access to it.  Rumi loves his freedom.  On cue, I will then pick the ball up, throw it, for the cycle to be repeated.  Its funny how his attention will never waiver from the ball,  It is amazing how he never tires of this game.  He can play it hours on end, morning and night.  There is no boredom over the monotony and there is no abatement in the intensity with which he will pursue the ball every single time.  I know that this comes from being in the present moment.  There is no baggage of “been there done that” re the past, or “why do I have to keep doing this over again – is there not something more exciting out there for me to pursue?  Enough already with this!” re the future.  Also, the game is not played for glory or self-aggrandizement just for the joy of catching the ball mid air.  The reward is in the doing?  There are several lessons there for all of us humans. 

 

Puppy diaries 4 - Manifesting

Yesterday I had the most curious experience.  I took Rumi for a walk in the park.  He played but had to smell and pick up every piece of dirt in his mouth.  His personality is such that he is overconfident and constantly pushing boundaries.  I found myself losing my patience and literally dragged him back home with the force of my will, as he stubbornly refused to move.  I noticed how quickly I could be destabilized!  I decided to put him in his crate to sleep but he refused to stay and kept running out.  I put him on my lap and absent-mindedly removed his collar thinking if he was irritated less by it he would fall asleep.  I may have stuck it in the pocket of my denim jacket. 

A few hours later I went for a walk with that jacket on.  I have no recollection of what I did with that collar.  It could have even fallen out - just like my glasses had a couple of times the previous day.  Now, this collar has a coin with a microchip which can help whoever found him, if he was lost, track us, his owners, (sounds like some form of indentured being, but that’s for another blog!).   I don’t know if the reverse is true - ie us tracking him through the chip!  And thankfully, we did not have to find out! When I was away at my walk, my daughter decided to take him out and searched high and low for the collar.  Since she lets him run around without a lead in the park she was nervous without his collar.  When I returned she asked me about it.  I drew a complete blank.  We both searched the house high and low for it.  Every nook and cranny. Even the garbage and laundry basket were not spared.  I prayed that the universe would manifest it somehow. Where was I going to look for it?!  My daughter swore up and down that it must have fallen out of my pocket during my walk.  I kept denying but not too convincingly, because I could not be certain that did not happen.  We were saying that we would have to order another one online and it could take days to arrive!  I knew somehow that it would appear but did not know how!  

Then suddenly Rumi began running up and down the room at great speed - he does that when he gets excited about something.  I looked up and there he was with the collar in his mouth.  No clue where it had been or how he had found it at the precise moment we were speaking about ordering another one, having given up our search.  I love the mystical and transcendent.  Also the idea of collocation of consciousness which implies time and space are mental constructs and that material objects can manifest at will.  And that we can communicate non verbally to all creatures at subtle levels.  My daughter on the other hand firmly believes he had hidden it and brought it out of its hiding place.   Not possible, according to me, given how thorough our search had been. She is a rational being.  However, these days she tells me “I will let you have your little wins!”  I will keep them. Heck no - I will cherish them!  

Puppy diaries 3 - “Don’t be a South Asian mom?!”

Rumi is a picky eater.  Every morning I take him out to do his business in the backyard and then put out his breakfast of kibbles and water by the large French window in the living room upstairs.  He joins me as we watch the world go by from our little perch.  Humans with puppies and babies in prams evoke excited squeals and an occasional bark from him.  He is quite ADHD so often wonders off in search of his toy or to nibble on wires, furniture or any hair ties or clothes within his reach.  He chooses to completely ignore the food as I sit there observing my restless desire to have him clean out his plate, a vestige of that South Asian mother in me.  I did not realize this until my daughter popped up on to a scene where she saw me holding food in my hand and pleading with him to eat and said “don’t be a South Asian mom, once was enough with me”!  And she was not joking!  I have to admit I have a lot of work to do to get over my habit pattern of nurturing with food.  This is hard.  I have to bring a level of detachment that does not seek the “satisfaction” of having a well fed puppy.  I literally have to steel myself from trying to hand feed him as I had done my baby!  I am noticing at a subtle level the rationalizations that keep popping up - if he is hungry he will even more indiscriminately nibble on garbage, he will not sleep well and will have more zoomies scratching and biting everything in sight; he will be more ADHD and his learning will be delayed!  And the guilt - maybe we were not giving him what he likes.  Maybe I should make fresh food for him.  Should we try raw?  Endless questions..

What is interesting is this.   Watching this mental chatter is helping me uncover patterns.  A few days after I began noticing, my mind calmed right down.  I was able to bring about some equanimity to his picky eating and our early morning pantomime continues with Rumi a little less restless.  Maybe I am projecting how I am on to him or he is actually responding to how I am.  In any event, the dance continues and there is joy in being present to everything that arises and passes as I let go of doership...

Puppy diaries 2 - “Being” not “doing”

Our cockerpoo pup has a mind of his own.  And his attention span for any one thing can be measured in nanoseconds.  So when Uttara pointed that out to me, I offered  how our minds are very much like that with the difference that we have the ability to notice and with the noticing we are able quieten the chatter and experience a calm, clear and more productive mind.

So I had a clean canvas and some tools and tricks to bring our boy, Rumi, in line.  They say the initial learnings puppies 🐶 acquire are hard coded and really difficult to change.  So if you indulge them and are not consistent, you will be slave rather than pawrent to them.  We needed routines associated with the following ( us humans are better off with them too):

-regular sleep and nap times

-meals, method and place

-training sessions and play to provide enrichment

-structured socialization with a range of humans and exposure to varied experiences 

-toilet training

Underpinning all this is relationship building and trust.  Puppies come with a lot of separation anxiety so you really have to work hard at earning their trust.  

Truth be told, the connection with the little mister was not instantaneous.  Even though I intellectually knew that Rumi was an expression of consciousness like you and me, I had to overcome some resistance to accepting this creature from another species with an attitude of “ oneness”.  

But the most important spiritual learning was  around the attitude of doership!  When I tried to “change” his behaviour to bring about routines with my will and thoughts, he sensed my energy as being forceful with a need for power and control over him.  And boy did he become all squirmy with his defenses on high alert!  So noticing, I eased up and just relaxed my mind and body to give him the space, besides  lots of treats (!) and positive reinforcement.  For eg when I took him to the backyard to relieve himself, and especially when it was rainy and cold, I stood by calmly noticing my impatience and, in that process, letting go of it!  By not  expressing through body language my impatience, I just “being” and using this as an opportunity to notice my restless mind, my thoughts and reactions to them.  I believe Rumi now believes he is doing this and other things (initially for treats) on his own! For eg, Rumi after day 2, began to trust me enough to lock him in his crate through the night, even as I sleep in my bed beside his crate.  I take him out twice at night for toilet breaks and he goes right back in without any protest!  And this otherwise curious and active puppy sleeps through my yoga sessions too.

We have routines for everything now.  I have given up on some sleep and “me” time.  But the breakthrough for me has been the ability to stay present.  I notice the mind’s chatter, telling me I should be somewhere else doing something else and just surrender to the moment without a sense of doership.  The end result - I am now fully able to enjoy and laugh through every moment with Rumi, antics, exasperating moments and all.  I also notice when I try to hold on to these experiences...

There is growing attachment now.  But that is for another blog..,

Puppy diaries - Embracing the unknown (1)

 Puppy diaries -1 

Me? A puppy mom?  Had I even dreamt I would become one?  Not in a million years!  Well this old dog is learning new tricks now.  More than anything, raising a puppy has helped strengthen my spiritual practice.  I thought I would write about that.

My first lesson - embracing the unknown. 

Having never raised a dog, the prospect of bringing a little puppy into our world was pretty daunting.  Responsibility for a life I knew nothing about.  This was not a baby which could be kept in diapers and a crib. This one would race around, poo and pee everywhere, bite, scratch, chew and eat everything in sight.  Besides, he was being separated from his mother and the host family which boasted 10 dogs, two bunnies, birds and lots of family members.  This gave him a head start in that he was properly socialized.  Who knew the first eight weeks in a puppy’s life are crucial for the development of his brain and healthy personality traits.  Yes, a common puppy ailment is anxiety which could manifest in behavioural issues.  

Anyway, all signs were that our puppy was a healthy creature.  I started to feel the pressure to keep him that way!  With a healthy dose of optimism and nerves of steel we decided to walk this unknown terrain.  Luckily for us, at a time when puppies are premium and super hard to come by even for a hefty price, we landed one just 15 minutes by walk from us in London, the day after we began our search.  Host mom and dad, Keeley and Paul, were absolutely lovely and reassured us that they were just a phone call away if we needed any help, 24/7.  I also enrolled in an Udemy course on puppy training and  arranged for live training sessions on zoom.  Read a book on puppy training as well.  However, none of this prepared us for the first week from hell.  Refusing to sleep in his crate, he was puppy at large for two nights.  We had to be up to ensure he did not wreck the place.  Then came toilet training in the backyard.  He is still little at 10 weeks and only due for his second vaccine at 12-14 weeks until which time it’s not advisable to take him out to public spaces except in a carry bag.  Day three found us thoroughly exhausted and wondering if we would get over viewing him as a chore rather than a being to be adored.  

Then it popped into my head that my tendency was always to seek comfort and security in the known.  Here was a great opportunity to show up with courage and explore the unknown!  So I decided to observe the resistance within me to go places I have not been in my mind, do things I had not done and confronts all my fears and anxieties around caring for a vulnerable creature, especially given the small room for error.  When negative thoughts popped that second guessed my decision, I saw them for what they were.  I still have a long way to go to become a good puppy pawrent.  However the fodder for spiritual growth has been fished out to me in spades.  As I learn and grow everyday, always taking a few steps back even as I move forward, I hope to be able to share my experiences.