We do this with every decision in our lives and go through the day in restless uncertainty. Our entire life is about creating what our mind imagines to be that perfect life that we could achieve by manipulating the external world. One where we get what someone else is having which we imagine to be better than ours. We do this without even being conscious of our actions.
Very much guilty of the above, I have been motivated to give this matter a great deal of thought and have come to believe the crux of all our problems is what the millennials refer to as FOMO or the Fear of Missing Out. Our overactive and agitated minds are always settled in a past that lingers on as thoughts and memories, or in a future where we imagine a life better than our past. There is nothing wrong with hope, optimism and aspiring to better things. However, what that invariably means is a repudiation of the present. So there is a constant conflict between where we are and where we want to be and here we are always comparing our lives to someone else’s? And yet, it all has nothing to do with anyone else. No. It is our own mind fighting against itself. Our mind telling itself that the present is not good enough, that there is something better out there and by accepting what is in front of us we are forgoing that elusive imagined reality. In other words we have FOMO.
So how do we know we have FOMO? What is its impact on our lives?
1. Our decisions lack clarity because we always have this cloud of doubt about whether we are doing the right thing and whether we have all the facts. We then try to meddle, interfere and control how things turn out. We are never fully satisfied with the result.
2. We are miserable because we want a version of reality that our mind has conjured up, no matter how limiting, and we just cannot manifest it.
3. We have a fear of commitment. We believe when we commit to something we forgo something else. This is a problem not only for those who do not commit but also for those who second guess something they have committed to.
So how do we address FOMO?
We constantly look to the external world for perfect order, symmetry and fulfilment. In other words, a cure for our FOMO. The fact is we can never satisfy our mind with objects from the external world. There is no remedy to cure us of our FOMO out there. We need to quieten the mind and notice our thoughts so we are not controlled by them. By noticing, we question a blind acceptance of our mental projections as reality, our impulses to engage in self- indulgent action or inaction as we strive for that elusive image and our rejection of presence. This noticing of our minds which are embroiled in thoughts and dreams which are limiting and stale helps liberate us from our routine reactions and habit patterns. We then begin to break free, to accept and observe life as it unfolds in all its glory. Our consciousness which is not sucked into day dreaming and emotionally responding to our reactions, now has space to expand. With the silence that we experience between our thoughts, we walk lightly having lessened the burdens of our conditioning and without anxiety about an imagined future. We alter the course of our lives, as a result. So we do have a choice to live without FOMO where we are not plagued by our past, dragged down by our conditioning and anxious about the future! What a novel idea!
