On my birthday, I usually reflect on the year gone. As you all know, on
August 12, 2021, a day that I wish had never happened, I lost my beloved
husband to Covid related complications. That he was youthful and healthy
would be an understatement. He had just retired and had been raring to
have a rollicking time in his retirement. We never got in the way of each
other’s professional lives so he did not influence whether or not I would
continue to do the work I loved. He had visited India to be with his
aging mom through the pandemic, help her with essential repairs around the old ancestral house she lived in and to install a support system with household
help, driver and so forth. His plan after that was to return to Canada
and then once the pandemic had passed, to catch up on his travels and to visit
all his folks in three continents. He was fully vaccinated and the
breakthrough infection was completely unexpected.
As my world collapsed, I stayed focused on managing the
chaos that ensued, prioritizing what mattered most. Uttara, my
work at MCIS and our two mothers. I moved to London and began working
remote from here while managing the financial fallout from this catastrophic
event. I began working just a week after, to bring
back a semblance of normalcy, doing things I was most familiar with and
connecting with my friends and co-workers who deeply mourned my personal loss
and created a circle of care around me. You know who you are and I am so grateful to you.
Our transitions through life are both voluntary and
involuntary. They all have beginnings, a chaotic mess in the middle and
then renewal. The process is not clear-cut or linear. Some folks
linger longer in the chaos, others in the beginning and yet others in the
renewal. And chaos can happen in the renewal phase to set off more new
beginnings. I wonder if subliminally I had wished for a cataclysmic
change to rock my worldview and to force my growth. If I had, all I can
say to you all is be careful what you wish for! So my transition has been
involuntary, well kinda! I have always been about renewal.
For me this is about moving from an attitude of “me” to “we” to “be” pursuant
to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid, going from bottom to top. I am still human
enough to be self centred. However, through my work and in my personal
life I have tried to embrace the “we” which is all about building relationships
and doing my best to serve who I can. The next level of this work is
through finding a higher transformational purpose to live by and work
towards. For me “being”, is surrendering all sense of ego and doer-ship
to go beyond the transactional to the transcendent. I am amazed at the
parallels between the trajectories in my personal and professional life.
The first decade of my career and that of MCIS’ growth was all about survival,
the next decade about the success of our social enterprise model, ie making
money while doing good, and this resulted in recognition and
awards for me personally. This third decade has been finding a higher transformational
purpose for our work at MCIS by articulating our social purpose. And life
events have forced me to seek the same in my personal life.
As I move through my life, my challenge will continue to be to stay vigilant, from sliding into narcissistic thoughts and victimhood, and keeping my mind and heart open to the opportunities even dire times bring. I am now so aware that these life quakes visit all our lives at some point or other and it is better to use loss and death as source of meaning for life and living, as Viktor Frankl the holocaust survivor did, than to live in fear of the unknown. So my transition has included acceptance, staying present and embracing uncertainty. I take each day as it comes, fully open to all its possibilities and accepting of everything that it brings. I wake up early, write and reflect, juice, cook, practice yoga, meditation, take a walk, have long and hard conversations and work at my job. Pretty boring you might think. Its actually quite invigorating when I am conscious of not leaning into the next moment or a future state for my happiness. My purpose has never before been more aligned with that of MCIS’ own and for that I am extremely grateful. Like me, MCIS is creating a new story of its renewal to share and launch soon. I do hope you are all living your life’s purpose and your life quakes are gentle ones.
Books that inspired the above:
Peak – How Great Companies Get their Mojo from Maslow – Chip
Conley
Life is in the Transitions – Bruce Feiler
Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor E. Frankl
