Daughters and Rituals

As daughters grow older and move away they become adults whom you have to get reacquainted with.  Their tastes in music evolve, their friends change, they have travelled and have developed likes and values you did not see in them.  When they visit it is for a short while, a week or two maybe.  A few years ago when things got a little awkward between my daughter and me, we developed rituals.  Things we would do together when she visited.  Now we start her visit with a trip to the grocery store to buy healthy foods we both enjoy together.  I love to surprise her with new and tasty salads and healthy snacks.  This trip I introduced her to quinoa, a new brand of veggie burger and a delicious new salad.  We do early morning treks when we ask each other questions and get caught up with each others lives.  We always end up at Tim Hortons for coffee and Timbits.  There is always one trip to our favorite Indian Chinese restaurant as a family.   I drive her downtown to her friend Laura's for a night out and pick her up the next morning.  I do it because I love the time we spend together during those drives, even though she does most of the driving around town.  We shop at Joe's and Yorkdale, watch Survivor, the Biggest Loser or sitcoms.   She likes to visit the temple once and eat the prasadam.   We order her favorite whole wheat crust broccoli pizza from Pizza Pizza one evening and go out another for beer and snacks at a pub.  If time permits she and I  go to King West and look at consignment and antique shops for quaint stuff.  There is usually one community or social event where she meets up with aunties and uncles she grew up knowing.  Other than that she plays me her favourite music,  gives me clothes that she does not plan to use anymore and gives me advise on how to tackle work problems.  I offer my thoughts on her aspirations.  We have fallen into such a pattern that if i try to introduce something new, she will weigh in on whether or not it should be part of our rotation.   These rituals enable us to just be, rather than think about how to make "quality time".  I help her with her final packing, sending her off with nuts and cheeses she likes and eagerly await her next visit.