it is the story of...the moment I Knew Everything Was Going To Be Okay

When I arrived in Canada 30 years ago, I was young and naive.


Newly married, a new mother, I had a Master’s degree but no work experience. I wore a red dot on my forehead, a nose-ring, anklets, and jewellery. Dressed in “ethnic clothing” and visibly “different”, I felt like a fish out of water.


I had to mutate into a person I could not recognize. My red dot came off and then my jewellery. I traded my Indian clothes for skirts, shoes, and stockings. I wore gloves, hats, and a scarf, all mismatched with each other and my coat, and felt like a museum piece. I was desperate to “fit in”. The more I tried, it seemed, the less I succeeded.


I then thought I would achieve this if I found a job. However, I ended up in a room full of telemarketers, all folks like me, newcomers trying to find their feet. It was not “mainstream” experience by any stretch and while it did build my confidence a little and enhanced my communication skills, I did not feel competent to do anything else.


I was still an outsider trying to recreate my identity in my new milieu. So I worked at building my ability to make “small talk”, to improve my clothes and dressing style. I even cut my hair. I just could not be spontaneous and speak my truth.


It also did not help that I was lonely, missing my parents and extended family, and could not look to anyone, other than my husband, who was struggling like me, for validation. There were times when I was so depressed I wanted to give it all up and go back to India.


However, it all changed for me when I decided to pursue a graduate degree. I got into the Women’s Studies program.


The first essay I wrote was in the passive voice. My professor called me in and asked me why I chose the passive voice. I said I thought that’s how we expressed ourselves in an academic setting.


She looked me in the eye and said “I want you to write in the active voice. Your story is valid and now with the personal being political it’s important that you express yourself in your voice and speak your truth.”


That is the moment when everything changed for me. I found my voice, stopped trying to “fit in” and be like someone else, and have never looked back since!