Yesterday I got a strange call from a woman. "Are you Tara's mom?", she asked and launched into a monologue without allowing me to get a word in edgewise. I had brought this upon myself. A few years ago, rather overzealously I had posted Uttara's profile on an Indian matrimonial site. It was a social experiment of sorts which was not amusing to her. I did not think much of it. Soon my mailbox began to fill up with emails from folks expressing interest or with suggestions of suitable matches. Initially, I actually looked upon these as a source of entertainment. I was taken aback and somewhat at a loss when these folks began corresponding with me. Soon I found myself giving relationship advice to one! Why not my daughter he would insist and I had to coyly admit she was not party to this shtick, so I could not broach it with her. I knew this was all "wrong" on so many levels. But harmless?! Well a few years passed. I forgot all about the profile. I did not look at the emails, the expressions of interest or matches. My daughter did her own thing. And all was well. Then suddenly, out of the blue, this call!
The lady spoke with the air and sophistication of someone who was well educated and moved in elite company. I was curious. She told me she was a lawyer and her husband a judge and she was calling about her son, a paediatric heart surgeon in the UK, for my daughter. They were visiting London to attend a milestone cricket match at the Oval for which they had booked tickets months in advance and thought they should look up Tara! She did not stop to ask me if I was interested, let alone Tara. She just assumed we were. I let her go on, willing myself not to hang up on her polished accent. Who knows, she may know someone who knows me and word gets around fast. I had to come up with a polite way to do this. Then suddenly, she asked me if I was from a certain caste and I said "yes but we are not interested in going this route". She chose not to believe the second half of what I said and without giving me a chance to speak went on to tell me about her extraordinary progeny. Then without warning came her next question? "Does your daughter know Tamil?", I could not resist a " Oh yes she can speak as well as read since she learnt Carnatic music." That just sent her into raptures waxing prolific over her son's musical accomplishments and extolling her own past glory, as a classical dancer. In the process she named several Sabhas in Chennai of which she was a patron, adding, "my son wants someone who is cultured and knows her roots." She wanted to know nothing more about my daughter it seemed and, in her mind, appeared to have decided she was the one. She had all she needed to know. I had to cut this short - but how? Short of being rude? And then she gave me an out. I asked her how old her son was? She said xx and I said "he is 6 years older. That won't work. ". That got her hot under the collar "do you know Jackie was 12 years younger than Kennedy and Saira Banu 22 years younger than Dilip Kumar and they were happily married? Do you know why? Because both women looked much younger than their husbands? Before I could question the veracity of that assumption, she continued in the same reactive vein, "Whereas if your daughter marries someone her age she will look like his mother soon?" This was just too much. "My daughter is not interested in going this route?" I insisted, willing her to process this important piece of information. She exploded "Are you saying you posted her profile without her consent? You should be ashamed of yourself?" And with that, she had the last word and hung up! I was stunned.
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