As I am learning to lighten up here is the first in my tongue in cheek series
Ok so I have lead feet. I may have pressed a little hard on the brake preventing the car from rolling to a complete stop. But only just about. I was coming off the ramp still mumbling profanities at the man who had cut me off as I had attempted to cross over two lanes to the exit ramp, which I then barely made short of a collision with another unsuspecting vehicle,… when it happened!
Back up to how the day had begun. Given the late movie that I had indulged in the previous night, I had not rolled out of bed in great form. To add to that, no yoga and no coffee yet. Showered, but bleary eyed I was not about to impress anyone with my sunny personality, let alone the cop who came out of nowhere, smacking his lips at being able to meet his day's quota so easily. What a disaster!
I don’t trust the men in blue. They are always up to something. Lurking around on side streets with their radar guns, looking through binoculars or worse yet, as in this case, stopping you smack in the middle of your miserable morning with a body-cam strapped to them. I must say this man was easy on the eyes, young, strapping and nicely tanned with strong arms befitting a person hired to maintain law and order with those errant wild things that pass off as young men these days. But me? And on the worst of days and also on camera? I nearly reached for an object to throw at him for not picking a more convenient time, when in a deep voice he said “Mam I have a video camera on me and you engaged in a traffic infraction.” Duh, what? My dull brain took a moment to register as I tried to lip read to help my brain process. “Yes mam, see that stop sign there, well you failed to come to a complete halt.” I wanted to stomp my feet, through a tantrum and scream “I am not dressed to be caught on camera you dumbass”, when I restrained myself and sweetly smiling for the camera, said through gritted teeth “I have driven this route for 15 years and have never failed to stop..”
He pointed to his camera , daring me to say another word, and asked for my identification papers. I reached for my purse and gave him my license and insurance, still saccharine sweet to be caught on camera doing the right thing! Who knew I may be hailed the poster woman for how to behave when caught on police body-cam - the fully cooperative citizen with utter regard for the men in blue. I was drifting into a fantasy where I saw officers huddling over and picking mine out as the winning-est recording following this body cam blitz, to justify their intrusive exercise with the naysayers, and the new Chief of Police holding a special recognition ceremony for me for my model behaviour..when a nicely muscled hand gave me back my papers rudely snapping me out of my reverie. “$110? What? This is a highway robbery”, I muttered still cloyingly sweet curbing all instincts to gun down the road in defiance. Body-cams be damned. They had taken away from me the pleasure of getting really mouthy and obnoxious with cops. What will they do next to curb my freedom of expression?!
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